To be 100 and 10 percent honest with you dear reader, as I intend to be, I’m not 100 and 10 percent sure. I think that it’s a culmination of a few thing as I shall go on to explain the best way I can.
So to start, the obvious, why have I got the time to be writing blogs/rambles for potentially nobody to read? Well dear reader, thank you for asking, I am an actor. Not ‘aspiring’, for if I say that I’m in a constant state of limbo, but shall we say ‘between jobs’ instead. I studied acting at university and like the majority of my graduating class I am searching for work. My future is looking quite empty currently. Which excites and terrifies me equally. Who knows what’s next but equally who knows if this is what I’m actually supposed to be doing?
I work as a waitress in my muggle life. Anyone who is trying to pursue a creative field and has read/watched or is Harry Potter will understand my reference to the odd half life to which I am referring. One which I will attempt through these blogs/rambles to document. It’s hard between jobs to keep your creativity flowing. Unlike the wonderful facilities I had while studying unfortunately at home I don’t have free rehearsal space in which to make art or student fiance which allowed creating to be my only real focus (other than the occasional party etc). This means that I am desperate for a creative outlet and here we are. As I was saying I am a waitress, this is because I need to pay bills and save money like most other human beings and being ‘between jobs’ means acting isn’t really supplying the dolla bills I need. Ideally I will transfer into a muggle job which is more in the industry but for now it will do. The people are nice, the tips are good and I can walk from my house. I am grateful for a job at all.
I live at home. In the box room. In a bunkbed. I’m 22. I will forever be grateful to my wonderful parents for taking me in again after I graduated and was broke. They are hugely supportive and I wouldn’t change them for the world. I am not sure however that they understand exactly the creative world I got a taste of at university so perhaps dear reader I am trying to find others who have sipped from that cup, because my god once you do it’s really rather hard to stop.
Then there’s this strange last point which I myself am still deciphering. You see it’s sort of an oxymoron. I have since as long as I can remember wanted to change the world for the better. Along with my dream to be an actor you can see I was a very realistic goal setter. Despite being told I am a dreamer, an optimist or even a naive little girl I just can’t shake it. I have absolutely no idea how it will happen or even where to start. I thought maybe I would use acting to tell stories that needed to be heard and give a voice to those who need it most. But I can’t wait and so I’ve got to do something. It also means I have to care a little less about what other people say and think. The oxymoron part is that for as long as I can remember I have also wanted to gain peoples praise, love, validation to know I’m doing okay. I will have shared or posted this and will be terrified of the response or lack of I might receive.
However. It’s a new year, a fresh start, a blank page – which I intend to fill. The same me, just a little bolder. I hope whoever you are reading this (Hi Mum and Dad and any other poor sod who’s made it this far) I can entertain, enlighten and encourage you to fill your blank page too. I’m making a leap…are you coming?